Certainly lots has changed since I left home in 2011. Since leaving, I've run to and fro around the globe, from living in Utah for school, to Australia as a missionary, or to Asia as a tourist and band member. I stayed here for a few months after my mission, but even then, that was three years ago, and this house still doesn't serve me the memory of the place that I had left to attend college. But it is tidy, it is quiet, and the people are fewer. As a matter of fact I may say they are all but vanished, save for the staunch few at church on Sunday. When I accepted an offer to intern at Stanley Black & Decker, I was uneasy about stepping back into the place that seemed the opposite of adventuresome, but at the same time I was more than curious about the state of things where I had grown up. Home is a strange phenomenon to describe— it seems to be something so precious that it must be the object of an unending search, while simultaneously is always there, in constant watch over you.
Since SBD is located in Towson, about an hour away from Gaithersburg, it seemed more reasonable to find a place to live out there and to return to my parents' home on the weekends. Here was that strange concept again, all too quick— a home close to home, but yet not nearly there. A delightful couple of empty-nesters provided lodging in the area, and I was set to begin my first work experience as an engineer. The internship, I will say, left me feeling slightly bewildered. Ultimately it was a pleasing experience to work there, and for that I am grateful, but at the same time it was such a subsiding from the rigors of school that I almost felt that I had no business learning everything I had in class. I am hesitant to let anything that I learn go to waste because there is all too much for any person to learn, but that may also be because so much of it has gone to waste already.
Some of those things that I had learned and forgotten could be found in a place such as this. On my first day back, the pair of full-time missionaries serving in the branch stopped by our house, Elders Anderson and Shih. I had done a good bit of fellowshipping lessons immediately after my mission and several times recently at BYU, but honestly with all the friends that I no longer had upon coming back here, I was only looking forward to the best way I knew to get to know people: as a missionary. At church on Sunday there were only a few faces I did not recognize, but the missionaries asked if I could bring a non-member named Ethan to a fireside at the temple visitors' center that night. The fireside featured Eric Weddle but was incredibly drawn out from the host of previous speakers, which weren't at all bad, but maybe we just hadn't slept well the previous night. In fact it was that week that the elders would begin officially sharing the discussions with Ethan, so even if the English was simply spoken, the church would still have been too foreign for anyone but the Spirit to testify of. I was lucky not to have begun my internship at that point to attend a lesson with him, but only one.
Only a week into the internship, I returned briefly to Utah to attend Melinda's wedding with family. This brought back a small respite from whatever 'home' I was in to the land of familiar faces, who were all this time taking exams and were much busier than I. But weddings are always happy occasions that always have the power to make everything seem right for a perfect moment, even if it is for someone else.
After coming home to continue working, the rest of my family stayed in Utah for a few weeks of vacation with the groom's family. I started teaching English classes with the missionaries and even some days were spent entirely with them. My memories of working as a missionary in Australia came back like a deluge, and for the first time I began writing to my mission friends as often as they were writing me. Unable to see Ethan all week, and sometimes for multiple, I only felt to pray for his guidance. After many weeks, the missionaries scheduled a tour of the visitors' center for Ethan and let me come along. For the first time, I heard his testimony and determination. I don't remember feeling so struck by the Spirit then as I had on my mission. What a transformation I had witnessed, even if I wasn't there to be part of it all of the way! I am regretful to be leaving for school just days before his baptism, but there is no saying I won't somehow make an appearance.
The Spirit exhibited by these elders has been infectious. This power manifested in that for even spans of several days after I had been with them, I felt a complete resilience to temptation. I felt lasting peace and stillness. I felt the desire to read and discuss the meaning of the scriptures. And I desired to learn the truth about life, and perhaps this 'home' that I am destined to find, even if I am already partaking of its fruit.
I am not going to record everything here that occurred this summer, but I will end with this past weekend, during which I went with my family to New York to attend another wedding reception for my friend Joseph. I had promised him this after barely missing the wedding ceremony by coming here at the beginning of the summer. The part of Brooklyn I ended up in was definitely carved out of China, more so than the places in I had worked in Sydney. He and his mother treated me so well, thrown in with their faithfulness in the gospel, it almost brings me to tears. I know many missionaries who have gone through that branch, and to them it is a second home. But the thought ran through my mind that if I can build myself in a community such as this and have such great faith— as this couple, as this family, as these members, as Ethan, as our missionaries, as my family members—, I could feel as much at home as I do anywhere that I am knowing the love of God. I realized that my prayers for an investigator of the church could do as much good on me, as I look to their examples of growing faith and see my own lack. Perhaps one day soon I'll figure out what I'm doing and mobilize myself, but I greatly hope that what I've seen this summer can rub off on me as much as those missionaries were able to do for a short while, that one day I can be a blessing such as they are.
Since SBD is located in Towson, about an hour away from Gaithersburg, it seemed more reasonable to find a place to live out there and to return to my parents' home on the weekends. Here was that strange concept again, all too quick— a home close to home, but yet not nearly there. A delightful couple of empty-nesters provided lodging in the area, and I was set to begin my first work experience as an engineer. The internship, I will say, left me feeling slightly bewildered. Ultimately it was a pleasing experience to work there, and for that I am grateful, but at the same time it was such a subsiding from the rigors of school that I almost felt that I had no business learning everything I had in class. I am hesitant to let anything that I learn go to waste because there is all too much for any person to learn, but that may also be because so much of it has gone to waste already.
Some of those things that I had learned and forgotten could be found in a place such as this. On my first day back, the pair of full-time missionaries serving in the branch stopped by our house, Elders Anderson and Shih. I had done a good bit of fellowshipping lessons immediately after my mission and several times recently at BYU, but honestly with all the friends that I no longer had upon coming back here, I was only looking forward to the best way I knew to get to know people: as a missionary. At church on Sunday there were only a few faces I did not recognize, but the missionaries asked if I could bring a non-member named Ethan to a fireside at the temple visitors' center that night. The fireside featured Eric Weddle but was incredibly drawn out from the host of previous speakers, which weren't at all bad, but maybe we just hadn't slept well the previous night. In fact it was that week that the elders would begin officially sharing the discussions with Ethan, so even if the English was simply spoken, the church would still have been too foreign for anyone but the Spirit to testify of. I was lucky not to have begun my internship at that point to attend a lesson with him, but only one.
Only a week into the internship, I returned briefly to Utah to attend Melinda's wedding with family. This brought back a small respite from whatever 'home' I was in to the land of familiar faces, who were all this time taking exams and were much busier than I. But weddings are always happy occasions that always have the power to make everything seem right for a perfect moment, even if it is for someone else.
After coming home to continue working, the rest of my family stayed in Utah for a few weeks of vacation with the groom's family. I started teaching English classes with the missionaries and even some days were spent entirely with them. My memories of working as a missionary in Australia came back like a deluge, and for the first time I began writing to my mission friends as often as they were writing me. Unable to see Ethan all week, and sometimes for multiple, I only felt to pray for his guidance. After many weeks, the missionaries scheduled a tour of the visitors' center for Ethan and let me come along. For the first time, I heard his testimony and determination. I don't remember feeling so struck by the Spirit then as I had on my mission. What a transformation I had witnessed, even if I wasn't there to be part of it all of the way! I am regretful to be leaving for school just days before his baptism, but there is no saying I won't somehow make an appearance.
The Spirit exhibited by these elders has been infectious. This power manifested in that for even spans of several days after I had been with them, I felt a complete resilience to temptation. I felt lasting peace and stillness. I felt the desire to read and discuss the meaning of the scriptures. And I desired to learn the truth about life, and perhaps this 'home' that I am destined to find, even if I am already partaking of its fruit.
I am not going to record everything here that occurred this summer, but I will end with this past weekend, during which I went with my family to New York to attend another wedding reception for my friend Joseph. I had promised him this after barely missing the wedding ceremony by coming here at the beginning of the summer. The part of Brooklyn I ended up in was definitely carved out of China, more so than the places in I had worked in Sydney. He and his mother treated me so well, thrown in with their faithfulness in the gospel, it almost brings me to tears. I know many missionaries who have gone through that branch, and to them it is a second home. But the thought ran through my mind that if I can build myself in a community such as this and have such great faith— as this couple, as this family, as these members, as Ethan, as our missionaries, as my family members—, I could feel as much at home as I do anywhere that I am knowing the love of God. I realized that my prayers for an investigator of the church could do as much good on me, as I look to their examples of growing faith and see my own lack. Perhaps one day soon I'll figure out what I'm doing and mobilize myself, but I greatly hope that what I've seen this summer can rub off on me as much as those missionaries were able to do for a short while, that one day I can be a blessing such as they are.
You are a blessing to many. Hope you find your other half soon and let me know if anything we can help. I feel like family is everywhere. You build up the network of people who loves you and you love. Take good care my dear. We will always be the familiar faces here in MD. You are always welcome here.
ReplyDeleteThank you guys!
DeleteI know exactly how you feel about home! I felt super confused about what or where home was during the transition between college/mission/single life to marriage. It is SO weird! But you do come to find that home is where you feel the spirit, where your heart is, where family is. Thanks for sharing Josh!! Love you!
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